The One with a Bodyguard

You know you’re in Guang Zhou, China when:

• You play a new version of Dodgem Cars every time you cross the road, where you’re the target on the pedestrian crossing and the cars speeds up towards you, even when the lights are green for you to walk.
• Even if the lights are red, the cars will still keep on driving.
• The police aren’t the law on the roads, military soldiers are. (their cars have a different style of number plates, and even the police are scared of them)
• There’s a massive line of cars parked near the airport, all with their emergency lights on, because they don’t want to pay for parking fees, so they wait for the call to drive into the airport for pickup.
• There’s an advertisement on every surface of the city, even on the handrails on the subway.
• There the milk is so watered down, all you taste is funky and the yogurt is drunk through a straw.
• In the early morning, or late afternoon, retirees go to the park to dance, sing and play with swords.
• The people use their local park as their own backyard, growing their own vegetables, cutting the banana tree’s leaves (for wrapping food) and digging up their own watering well.
• All the old people know how to use the internet for gambling. (I find it so impressive that my aunt and uncle is able to use the computer and even more when they showed me how they surf the internet and type words in Chinese, I mean my dad starts screaming thinking the computer broke down with the windows screen saver comes on)
• Even the train tickets look like gambling chips.
• The cents are in notes. (When I see a note with a number 5 on it, I assume it means 5 dollars. A bus ticket costs 2 dollars, so when I hopped on the bus, and put the bill in the box, I was waiting for 3 bucks change. My aunt says they don’t believe in change but later on when I gave her back the rest of the notes (she gave me 4), she started laughing. I only paid the bus driver 50 cents.)
• If you’re nice and let an old lady go in before you, you’ll never get in. Everybody will push in before you.
• Nothings for free.
• At restaurants there wouldn’t be a box of tissues for you to use, but a packet of tissues that will cost you a dollar.
• At supermarkets and shops, a plastic shopping bag will also cost you a dollar.
• People always how their bag tightly in public and anyone who walks in their direction is suspected as a petty thief.
• There’s no motorbikes on the roads, because they are now banned- people used the as a tool for snatching purses. (My aunt told me that it’s usually a two man job, one drives whilst another slices the handles of the bags with a knife and snatches it. One time, the thief missed her friend’s bag and slit her arm instead, and drove off. Leaving her friend with a massive cut on her arm and since her friend still had her phone; she called the ambulance and the police, and waited til they arrived so she could faint.)
• You see 6 people on one bike.
• In Yum Cha, the people there don’t push a trolley full of food to your table; you have to go to them.
• People smoke inside buildings, like restaurants at their table and put their cigarettes out but stomping on it on the floor.
• There’s always a constant fog, and the sky is always cloudy. (it’s so ironic that the Chinese flag is full of stars whilst I haven’t seen a single star yet. The moon is barely visible at night.)
  

I haven’t been able to post for a couple of days because I’ve been so tired. My cousins have been taking to all the shopping malls and streets in Guang Zhou. I haven’t been able to buy much because it’s either very cheap but bad quality or good quality but very expensive. My dad on the other hand has been in a shopping spree mode. He’s been buying everything. Both my cousins are guys, so it’s quite awkward for me to be shopping with 3 guys. Very awkward actually. But my cousins won’t let me go into shops by myself. He said something about me getting kidnapped cause I look like a kid. I’m an adult thank you very much. But he has made it his duty to be my “body guard”.

Since it’s been a few days, I’m going to show you something awesome, as a little bribe so you’ll forgive me. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Modern Toilet! The most awesome-est restaurant on earth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 This was my meal. My dad looked at it and then said to me “Jessica, wash your face before you eat!”
LOL!! Get it?! The plate looks like a basin? Wash your face? HAHAHAHA! 

 

 

Man, I couldn’t stop laughing every time the waitress brought a new dish out. Everything tasted delicious despite its appearance. I had so much fun! =D

The only disappointing thing was that its toilets were just holes in the floor. I mean come one. You have toilets as seats but not in the bathroom. I told my cousins to bring one of the “seats” to the toilet. But they where bolted to the ground. LOL

Well I’m in Hainan Island right now, which is a southern island of China. I’ll be posting about my tour which will start tomorrow. I’m currently staying at Haikou Tower Hotel, which isn’t as nice as the hotel in Beijing, but I’ll only be here for the night. =D I’ll be moving to many different hotels during my stay in the Hainan Island. Fingers crossed the next one will be nicer.

So jealous much, Cynthia?

P.S. Jay Chou’s face is plastered all over the supermarket. On chip packets, biscuits, and even drinks.
--.- --- ..- / .- .-. . / .- .-- . ... --- -- .
I am awesome in Morse Code.

The One where it isn’t Fog

Most of the people on the tour left for the next city, but my dad and I, and another family had another day here in Beijing. My dad thought, since the tour left, the buffet breakfast wouldn’t be open, so we had room service. I’d never thought I’d ever have the luxury of room service. Only in China I guess.

Afterward me and my dad took a walk outside to kill time and we found out that KFC here has delivery! =O That’s awesome! We were supposed to meet in the lobby at 11:30. We got back to the hotel with a few minutes to spare, and met with our tour guide Alan, but the other family was nowhere in sight. Half an hour pass and finally they return from their shopping trip. Instead of apologising, they strolled in, and walked straight to their hotel room to get ready. Inconsiderate people. Acting like it was okay for me to wait for them, wasting my precious time and money.

When they were finally ready, we headed to this park where you climb 4 flights of stairs (yes I know, more stairs, my legs know this torture very well now), and your suppose to have a really awesome view of the forbidden city. But this is what I got:

It’s not fog, its smog.

Which is really such a shame, it would have been such a nice view.

After almost tumbling down the stairs, we head of to lunch by bike. I have no idea what’s the bike thing is called, but to me it’s like a modern day chariot, where the horse is replaced by a bike.

 

When rode through the back streets of Beijing, and arrived at someone’s house for lunch. It was quite weird at first, but honestly, the home cooked food is the best.

 

Then we got driven to the silk market, when I learnt how silk is made. It’s quite gross. Silk worms. And we were shown around the shop. The silk blankets and clothing are so soft and pretty.

After the silk market, we headed off to see the Imperial College. 

This is where the lecturer used to sit to teach the students. The Chinese really knew how to show authority, aye? Look at it. It’s like a throne. It’s very different from UNSW. LOL!

 

 

College student applicants would hang these red planks around a statute of Confucius to wish them luck in their exams.

After this we were suppose to head off to watch a Kung Fu Show, but the other family would rather go to the markets instead. They haven’t had enough shopping! It was completely ridiculous. Throughout the whole tour, they would drag the group behind because they were inside souvenir shops, or buying for street vendors. So we went to the silk street instead.

 

We went to another market, which is exactly like this, except here, the shop assistants ignore you if your Asian, cause they earn more money ripping off foreigners. So my dad and I headed off to McDonalds buy dinner. It’s so cheap here. A whole meal would cost you approximately $2.50!

 

I love trying foreign Maccas, they have a different things on their menu. In Beijing Maccas, they have chocolate pie! I didn’t eat any of the food until I got back to the hotel so I could webcam to Cynthia whilst eating the chocolate pie! =D

But before that we were suppose to meet up at 5:30pm, but yet again I found myself waiting for that family for half an hour. WTF!? It was cold and I was pissed. Not happy with them.

That was the end of my Beijing tour. I’m heading off to Guang Zhou next. Staying with family and going on a shopping spree. I don’t know if I’m going to have access to internet then, if I don’t it’ll be a few days til the next post.

Favourite picture of the day (taken by Cynthia):

Don’t I make an awesome Marilyn Monroe?

So jealous much, Cynthia?

The One who conquered the Great Wall ...barely

The tour left this morning at 8am for the Long Di Superior Jade Gallery, where we had a guide show us how jade sculptures were made and how you can tell whether a jade is real or not. & since most Asians have some sort of jade jewellery, they all start thrusting them at the guide to authenticate it. Afterwards there was a whole floor where you can purchase different types of jade sculptures, jewellery or art. Apparently it’s very cheap at that place.

Then we headed for the Great Wall of China. My Dad and I were determined to climb to the peak of the Great Wall which is where the red building is on the top.

  

 

It took us an hour to climb up and down. It costs me 2 legs, 2 lungs and almost a heart. It was so cold, the air was freezing, but if I covered my face, I couldn’t breathe.

 This picture almost killed me.

No even kidding. The stairs were very uneven and covered with slippery ice. When we finally got to the top my Dad stared to scream our, we’re heroes! LOL! He was like, if you climb to the top, you’re a hero. ... I didn’t know the Great Wall gives your super powers? My dad was like imagine what it must have been for them to actually build the Great Wall, and think of how many people have died for it.

Dear Great Wall,
Enough people have died for you. You won’t take me down. I’m too awesome.

Love Jessica.

After Lunch, we headed to the Summer Palace at sunset on a winter’s day, where the Emperor would stay in the summer. LOL! There’s a man-made lake and hill. The lake was frozen. That’s how cold it is. Lakes actually freeze. That’s something you’ll never see in Sydney.

 

 

 

Then we headed to the Pearl Market, where a guide open a clam and showed us where the pearls come from. The clam she opened has 36 pearls inside! =O I thought clams had 1 pearl each! So 36 was like woah!

We watched an acrobatic show afterwards and then we had dinner at A Fun Ti Culture. I highly recommend you go there if you ever have the chance. The food was great and the entertainment was so awesome! It was so fun! There were belly dancers, musicians, some “ballet” guy (but I think his a stripper), audience games, lucky draws, table top dancing and most importantly “sexy girls” (that’s what they called them)!

 

The Hosts

The Sexy Girls

 

Games

And that’s the end of the day. My legs are so tired, I don’t think I’ll be able to walk to the bed. But it was so worth it.

Favourite picture of the day:

My Dad and I taking a break on the stairs of the Great Wall of China. Doesn’t he look like the abominable snow man? LOL

So jealous much, Cynthia?

The One with No Toilet Paper- Happy Birthday Daniel Duong

Today was the first day of my Beijing Tour. It was filled with many tourists’ destinations and activities, that I’m so tired right now. My tour group has 29 people (which is apparently small) and surprisingly I’m not the youngest! And though my wish of a cute guy to be in my group came true, he’s only 5, but oh so very adorable! =3! Here’s a group photo:

The bus left at 7:30am for Tiananmen Square. You had to go past a security check to get in, but once you’re in, your targeted by people who “offer” (more like grab onto you and won’t let go until you buy something) your tourist souvenir items. Tiananmen Square is surrounded by pillars, there are 56 of them and each of the pillars represents a Chinese Provence. In the centre of Tiananmen Square there is the Monument of the People’s Heroes and across the road is Chairman Mao’s Memorial Hall.

 

 

Subsequently, we travelled through an underground tunnel to reach the Forbidden City (or otherwise as known as the Palace Museum).

This is where people get their heads chopped off as punishment, back in the old days.

 

The Forbidden City is so big! It’s absolutely breathtaking. We saw where the emperor used to sleep, his garden, his throne, the place he went to study and so much more. But apparently I’ve only seen about 30% of it! Which I thought was ridiculous, why would you need such a big space? The tour guide said “Well, he had approximately 3000 concubines.”

... Horny much? He probably overdosed on Viagra or something? I mean 3000!?

After walking around for a couple of hours, I was busting to go to the bathroom, but there was a huge line. When I finally reached the front of the line, I see symbols on each of the doors. On closer inspection, I found that they were indicating that inside the cubicle was either a hole in the ground or an actual toilet seat. There were only 2 of the toilet seat and I absolutely refuse to pee in a hole in the ground! It took me forever to finally get inside the cubicle, only to find that they do not offer toilet paper! Come on! What the hell? How cheap can you get? I had to go outside to get tissues and go through the long ass line again!

Next on the agenda was this medicine facility place, where some old guy comes and tells you whether you’re sick or not. The diagnosis is free, so my Dad had a go. The “doctor” told him to buy 1200 bucks worth of medicine ($200AUD), and my Dad was like ... No. LOL! So we walked out and went to the shops. We walked past some Night Food stores.

 

Starfish kebab, beetle or slimy thing on a stick anyone? Eww..

Sanlintun Yashow Clothing Market was our next stop. It’s fake goods galore. There are no prices on any of the items; it’s all based on your haggling skills.

• If you speak English to them, they’ll start the prices up very high.
• If you speak Cantonese to them, the prices will be a bit lower.
• If you speak Mandarin to them, the prices will be even lower.
• If you speak with a Beijing accent, the prices will start at the lowest start up price. 

Apparently after haggling with them, if you don’t buy from them, they will scream at you. When I heard that I was too afraid to approach any of the stores, so I just browsed around. The best person to come here with is my Mum. She’s the haggling queen. But man, I saw this poor lady being grabbed by 5 shop assistants at one time and she struggled to walk away to get out of their grasps. It was quite amusing.

After Dinner we went to the Olympic Park, which marked the end of a tiring first day of the tour.

The Bird’s Nest

Aquatic Centre (Bubbles)

Favourite Picture of the Day:

Doesn’t my Dad remind you of this?

A Lion! LOL! HAHAHA! =D

So jealous much, Cynthia?